Tales of (Old Man) Football

While I tend to regularly post about Zach's coaching and the women's team achievements, I rarely give updates on his personal prowess on the pitch. 

Yes, Zach still plays the game. 

Though, by his own words, the current playing strategy is that the mind knows what to do, but the body lags....and the knees are a bit cranky. 

As with every semester, he plays competitively with the teachers team in the campus competition. However, before the opening game began this year, a rather serious discussion took place. In Zach's retelling of their initial huddle, a fellow teacher lamented that the student opponents remain the same age, but their ages increase. By a quick calculation, it was declared that the average age of the teachers team is 42. Zach said there was a collective round of 'ai-yahs' and groans, alongside a few shoulder shrugs. With that stated, they turned to walk onto the field. 

The grizzled grit of the aged ready to take on the bravado of the youth. 

Watching these games are always delightful in the way that amateur sports can be, especially in a culture where foundational skill building is disregarded in favor of acting akin to the professionals. Every player who steps on a pitch in China is a Messi or Ronaldo; though the drama and rolling around on the field is mimicked the best. This makes for extremely comedic viewing and ample bemusement opportunities for the teachers, who stand over the floppy, young whippersnappers shaking their heads.

This semester's campus competition coincided with the Shenzhen women's tournament, which ended up being fortuitous for Zach. In one of the earlier campus games, he took a few knocks. It was not an overly physical game. However, many guys like the opportunity to take on the foreigner, not realizing that Zach is quite fearless and has a bit more muscle than them. The goalie in this game realized that it would have been wiser to go after the ball instead of Zach when he was making a run on goal. Zach got all ball, the goalie got all Zach. It took the goalie a while to stand up. 

However, this was not the fall that resulted in a mandatory pause from active play. That came in the second half, when Zach was late in a challenge and the opposing player ended up on top of him. Zach was promptly shown a yellow card ("I earned it," he declared from the field.) Four days later, it was confirmed that he had severely cracked two ribs in that tackle. It was not a career-ending injury, but it has taken about seven weeks to heal to a point that any movement does not elicit ample groans. 

It also was not a season-ending injury, as the trend this semester was to draw out every single competition to an obnoxious length. The Shenzhen tournament that was scheduled to be three weeks became seven weeks. The campus competition was to be six weeks but became ten. We bantered that it was a good thing that China was not hosting the World Cup this year as the month-long competition would have become three under the current trend.

Zach was able to play the final match against the Management major boys. These guys know Zach well and he knows them well, so he was happy he was well enough to play with them. The management crew was aware of the rib injury, resulting in not many challenges towards Zach. However, late in the second half, during a corner kick, one boy's elbow inadvertently struck Zach's ribs. Zach doubled over and the boy panicked. Zach was fine after a few breaths, but it was rather endearing at how horrified the boy was about his errant elbow. Zach calmed him down and made sure that all knew that it was absolutely unintentional. 

Zach's football calendar has finished for the semester, so the footy bag has been aired, disinfected, and stored until next season. Now, his free time is consumed by enjoying his new birthday present and yelling at the professionals.

Football is (Still) Life

For football fans around the globe, we owe the TV series Ted Lasso a heap of gratitude for numerous reasons, the greatest being that it gave us Dani Rojas, a character whose infectious joy bestowed to all the greatest of catchphrases: Football is life! I cannot speak for all footy households, but this has become a daily phrase of explanation for scheduling, a rallying cry, or even a mantra of strength as I sweep up thousands of turf beads sprinkled between the front door and back balcony. 

Zach has been deeply involved in the women's football team and the organization spearheading the effort to increase the women's game in the area since our return to the adopted motherland. I initially wrote about this development in this blog post after an article had been published about the team. Since that post, the football life has practically consumed Zach's non-English teaching moments. As hoped, the women's game has gained public attention and thus momentum. As a result, Zach is frequently asked for interviews or public appearances (to his chagrin) alongside the hours of planning practices or coordinating games. 

A couple of weeks ago, a package arrived with a Chinese magazine. When I asked Zach what it was, he nonchalantly replied, "It's a sports magazine. The football team is mentioned in it." 

Upon flipping through, it was not just the team mentioned. 

While this post is the first of many football tales to come, I wanted to highlight this part of life as this week begins the Guangdong university competition. 

This is a big deal for several reasons; foremost being that a month ago, the team was not even recognized by the university as a university team. Obviously, politics and a dollop of sexism were at play. However, placing sixth out of thirty-two teams in November and garnering media attention has been an enormous accomplishment. As a result, last month, the coaches and girls were asked to play under the uni banner. There were negotiations, which included Zach being named head coach for the team. 

This will be a wild week for Zach, with him pinging between Guangzhou and Zhongshan to juggle coaching duties and teaching duties. I do believe he will be chanting a few times, "Football is life!" 

Annual Medical Check

In our annual attempt for a visa, we had the splendid opportunity to spend a morning navigating the local international clinic. Such ventures have provided a lot of stories in the past and we had an inkling this visit would provide even more since our coworkers returned from their visit weeks ago bursting with tales.

Upon entering the clinic, we encountered a receptionist who absolutely hated her life and job. Her disdain for our presence was so palpable that we resorted to openly mocking her in English, which was our defense mechanism to keep us from leaning across the counter and smacking her upside the head and stealing her phone. She was a disaster in every way. Eventually, with the help of a couple of technicians (who were just as exasperated as us with her horrid work ethic), we were able to sort out the paperwork, pay the fee, and begin our trek through the medical stations.

Most stations were familiar to us, with a few new additions such as a woman shoving a rusted instrument up our noses to another touching my face/neck/collar with overly used lunchlady gloves. At this point, I should state that the entire clinic was absolutely filthy. Zhanjiang's was dirty, Shantou was absolutely filthy. After the extended nasty gloves contact to my face/neck, I grabbed a wet wipe from my backpack and attempted to wash the germs away. The experience was so germy that when we walked out the door after finishing, Zach and I turned to each other and simultaneously said, "We need a shower." If I end up with a bizarre disease, I will blame the Shantou international clinic.

The funniest moment of the entire fiasco involved the EKG technician. Her office was located at the end of the hall, with her computer monitor visible to all who walked the corridor. As we popped between rooms, I (as well as Zach) noticed that Zach's picture was perpetually on her screen. Odd, but we thought it was her preparing for his test. I ended up in the EKG room first. The technician was brisk, blunt, and no nonsense. Zach walked in the room as I finished. He took off his shirt, to which the technician immediately turned red and loudly sighed - the sigh of immense satisfaction. Over her shoulder, we locked eyes - his wide with concern, mine with budding tears of laughter. He laid down on the table and she attempted to connect the suction cups, sighing repeatedly and fanning herself with her hands every so often. She finished, promptly falling into her chair, picking up a stack of papers, and proceeding to fan herself, all while refusing to look at Zach. At this point, I was giggling so hard, much to my husband's chagrin. However, he was exerting a lot of effort to get the technician's attention because the cups on his chest had fallen over and were not connected in any way. She kept fanning herself, refusing to make eye contact. Even upon declaring finished, she looked at the wall when disconnecting the few nodes still connected. As we made to leave, she flung a piece of paper towards Zach saying, "problem." Still, making no eye contact and having resumed vigorous fanning. I rather suspected the piece of paper to have her wechat information, to which Zach gave me that look and showed me that it was a printout of his EKG. His response, "If there is a problem, it is most likely due to nothing being connected to actually perform the test."

We survived the clinic visit (making sure to take a very thorough shower later that day), even returning a couple days later to claim our results (and the receptionist still hates her life and job). We are alive, but as predicted Zach's EKG showed an abnormality. It probably a good thing we will not be returning to the Shantou clinic because I am not sure that the EKG technician's heart could handle another dose of Zach's handsomeness. 

The Day My Husband Baked a Cake

I refuse to plan my birthday.

Thus, it is a yearly rite of comedic mishaps which ends up being my birthday celebration. Some years are filled with delightful surprises, while others involve a lot of hand-wringing and hysterical stories of what was meant to be that was not. Both are exactly what I love about leaving this one day of decision making to my husband.

Late February, as we were jaunting about Bantayan in the back of a Jeepney, Zach asked what I wanted for my birthday. I smiled and said, "I want you to bake me a birthday cake."

I say this every year.

He never does it.

Granted, the years in China have given him a legitimate excuse with the lack of a suitable oven. Even my ventures with baking a cake in a toaster oven have been stressful and a crap shoot as to what the end product would be. However, this year we upgraded thanks to a departing expat, so I coyly smiled and remarked that he could be adventuresome this year.

Two days before my birthday, Zach remarked that he would accept my challenge and make the boxed cake mix we had in the kitchen. I looked at him quizzically.

"What boxed mix?" I asked.

"You know, the funfetti one we have in the tub under the counter."

"Zach, we have not had a boxed cake mix for over a year."

Stunned, he slumped back into the chair and exclaimed, "How am I suppose to make a cake now?!"

"From scratch."

"How does one even begin that process?" he asked.

I laughed and found a recipe.

I encouraged.

I took pity and said I would even make the icing.

On my birthday, he faced his fear.

He was nervous. He was very methodical. He mildly panicked only one time. He even put a tealight on top (because birthday candles are elusive in this country.)

It was an amazing cake. Zach reveled in his success, our friends applauded his efforts, and I absolutely loved that my husband baked me a birthday cake. 

Foreign Language Football Team: History Was Made

History had been made, so the girls sadly walked off the field.

With the final whistle, the Foreign Language girls team had won their first game ever in the university cup. While Zach and his co-coaches gave whoops of joy and clapped vivaciously along with the spectators, the girls hung their heads. It was a bizarre scene to observe, one that they would try to explain later as their time of coping with such an unexpected moment.

Zach was perplexed.

I was perplexed.

Bystanders were perplexed.

Zach was stunned that cheers of delight had resounded after the tied game the previous week, yet moping was the choice after a win.

I joked that perhaps he had not explained the game well enough, thus the girls were confused what the word winning actually meant in football.

Eventually smiles emerged and satisfaction was felt for what the season had been - which was remarkable. For the second year, Zach worked tirelessly alongside the girls, teaching the basics of football, as well as tactics and maneuvers. The improvement from last year was great; the improvement from the beginning of the semester to the final game was staggering. The interest in playing for the team was so abundant that Zach had enough players for two teams.

As a spectator, I loved watching Zach thrive in this coaching niche, I was mesmerized by the vast improvement and the great attitude of the players, and I am impressed by the growing interest for female football on this campus. This year, I saw a group of girls go from being perceived as the inferior team of the competition to the feared. Post tournament, they have become instigators for keeping the girl teams still playing in practice games.

History is becoming a legacy and that is keeping heads held high and smiles abundant. 

Zach's Battle Scars

Zach rarely falls to the pitch, so when I saw my husband collapse to the ground holding his head I knew something was amiss.

It is tournament time on campus as competitions outnumber classes at this point in the semester. Yesterday was game one for Zach's team in the group stage. Brian and I were having a great time cheering and supporting the boys in orange when Zach jumped to attempt a goal via header. It was a beautiful shot. Unfortunately, a defender jumped as well, with the top of his head connecting squarely with Zach's chin. The keeper saved and Zach crumbled.

Those closest to him ran to his side. I leaned forward, watching. Zach rolled over. More teammates ran to his side. Eyes and faces expressed their terror. I stood up as the screams of "AMANDA!" carried across the field. I ran.

By the time I reached him, Zach had stood up and walked to the edge of the field as blood gushed over his jersey and his arms.

"My chin! I broke a tooth!" Zach babbled as I mopped blood with tissues trying to find the source.

"Calm down." I said.

"I think I broke a tooth! Damn!"

"It's OK, Zach. Let me look."

"Tape me up, I have to get back in."

"OK," I said while scrounging through the meager first aid box. A tissue and a lot of crappy medical tape frantically wrapped around a bearded face stalled the bleeding and allowed the game to resume.

Zach was pissed with the injury. Then, the opponents scored thanks to a defensive disaster, which added fuel to the fire. At kickoff, Tony kicked the ball to Zach, who proceeded to shoot from midfield and score.

One of the guys on the sideline looked at me and exclaimed, "Your husband just scored from midfield!?"

I shook my head and replied, "He is mad. He vents his frustration this way."

"I will remember that," said the boy.

At halftime, Zach sprawled on the sideline so I could assess the damage. He was in better spirits until I poured peroxide on the wound. Apparently, peroxide, sweat and blood are a painful combination. Closer inspection revealed a very nice, deep hole under his chin. We agreed to reassess after the game, but it had to be bandaged again for it was time for the second half.

With the final whistle, the orange team had won three to one. The second half had not been kinder than the first, as the opposing team was one of bruisers. By the match's end, the injury list included a bloody chin, a mild concussion, a black eye, bruised ribs and one destroyed pair of boots. The boys in orange had survived one hell of a brutal match.

Post-game reassessment of Zach's chin led us to believe that stitches could be a possibility. After a quick conference, we made the trek to the campus hospital. In four years, this was our first time to walk through the doors. Fifteen minutes later we walked out, sans stitches because they were adamant that Zach should go to Xiashan to the beauty hospital. Their reasons included lack of expertise to it would leave a scar. We agreed that if they were not in a hurry to sew, then stitches were not that necessary.

Returning home, Zach showered, shaved and let me practice my first aid skills with butterfly closures and antibiotic ointment. All while, Brian heckled and we proclaimed that it was a fantastic day for him to visit - a trip to the hospital, a walk around campus and a chance to see Zach's battle scars in the making.

Coach of the Impossible

For years, I have told Zach that he would be a good football coach. He would shrug off my comment, giving a different excuse each time as to why not. Two weeks ago, the chance presented itself and I told him he needed to do it. He agreed.

We frequently tell our students to try new things as often as possible. The fear of failure takes a completely different (and disturbing) meaning in this society. However, over the years we have seen a few take the plunge and find new hobbies in the process. This year, a handful of former students decided that they were going to try football and they wanted Zach as their coach.

While this ultimately is a beautiful story of courage by a group of girls, it should be mentioned that the reason for their plunge really hinged on the fact that each year the university holds a massive sports competition. The weeks leading up to the track and field portion are filled with football games. Each department is expected to represent. This event happens every year. Two weeks before the first game, the Foreign Language Department decided it was time that the team should be formed.

Two weeks of practice.

Nine of the twelve girls had never kicked a soccer ball.

None are overly active on a daily basis.

They wail about running 800 meters for a physical fitness test (which no one ever fails.)

Basically, why should a department actually plan for an event that happens every year?

Zach faced the impossible and a healthy dose of skepticism. Skepticism not from the girls, but rather the English major boys chosen to help coach them. "They are just girls," said one, who nearly lost his life to Zach's death stare and subsequent soapbox diatribe about sexism.

Their first game was a tale of determination. Their opponent was the best of the division, plus the heckling from their fans, including the remark "a foreigner does not know how to teach or play football," actually messed with their psyche. After a half time pep talk, as well as a reminder the girls that America made it to the World Cup while China did not, their resolve in facing the second half was shored up.

It was a tale of two halves.

The first half ended five to zero.

The second ended six to zero, with the English majors actually making a few runs on goal. The peanut gallery heckling was not so loud after such a half.

Sadly the game ended a few minutes early when Bonano, the keeper, took a nasty knock to her thumb. The referee was a jerk and called the game instead of letting them finish. Nonetheless, the girls were satisfied with their showing and we celebrated with a fried rice feast.

Sadly, we will miss the next two games while we are in the mother country. However, the past weeks have been entertaining in so many ways and it has been fun to watch my husband be invested in a different aspect of the sport he loves so dearly.

Freebies for Five Days

While living stateside, a yearly highlight for Zach was planning his birthday week around what free birthday coupons he could redeem. Earlier in the month, Zach's email inbox began to be flooded with birthday coupons. One night I overheard him lamenting to himself how he missed his free Krispy Kreme donut, free Starbucks drink, free ice cream...a wistful comment with each coupon voucher he opened. That night an idea was born.

I selected five businesses on campus that we frequent often and chose a food item that Zach would enjoy eating. Collaborating with a student, I told her what I imagined, asked her to use her stealth negotiating skills to ensure the bosses knew what was at stake and gave her money. The humorous part was that I spent more time explaining what birthday freebies are and why something like it occurs in America rather than what I wanted King to accomplish.

Two days later, we met up and the tales of her task were hysterical. From our previous discussion, I knew that such a concept was nonexistent so I was curious about her apparent excitement. She described in great detail how each boss was fascinated by the concept and was thrilled to be a part of the five days of freebies. All of the bosses know us, so with a mere mention of a lemon and apple icee or ice cream, King said they immediately knew who she was speaking about in her ask.

During this meeting, I created coupons with silly, hinting rhymes of where Zach would need to go and when. King wrote a brief Chinese explanation to jog any memories about their commitment (and already received payment.) We were giddy with our accomplishment.

In our hutong, I hung the five coupons on our bedroom wall for Zach to collect on the appointed day. He was shocked and excited.

Day one was donuts. A bakery on campus recently began to bake these gems and we had yet to try them. I took a chance and ordered ten. He was surprised, ecstatic and the donuts tasted good.

Day two was gummy candy. This was nearly a disaster, for when Zach arrived the store was closed and the merchandise was boxed. In true Chinese fashion, a business that was fully functioning two days prior was finished. After a few phone calls and extra help from an inquisitive girl, who was enjoying a drink in the adjoining shop, a pound of gummy candy was handed over to Zach. The now-defunct shop's owner had the foresight to leave the goods with the other shop keeper.

Day three was a slice of cheesecake. Since it was Zach's actual birthday, I had coordinated with his football captain for a birthday bonus - a new football and socks. In our conversation, Royan declared he would purchase the socks for Zach, but he would help me get a football. He was eager to be a part of the fun; plus, he declared I was the most thoughtful wife. He even included that in his birthday note.

Day four was a lemon and apple icee from our favorite fruit stand. The added bonus was the boss giving Zach a bag of grapes. Zach turned to me and asked, "Grapes and a drink?" I shook my head and said the grapes were an unexpected bonus. By his sly smile, I believe the boss was thrilled to add a little something Zach's celebrations.

The final day was for ice cream. The previous day, we had stopped by the shop and the mother of the shop gave away the surprise because she was so excited. I had to temper her excitement and remind her that her day was not yet, though I did not accomplish this before Zach caught enough of our Chinese conversation. When we did show up, she bolted to the freezer and chose his ice cream treat. She refused to take a picture with Zach, but May was more than happy to be a part of a birthday snapshot.

For five days, I watched my husband once again plot a week around his birthday. It was so fun to plan and execute something that brought him visible joy. Surprises in China are hard to pull off due to limited language skills and choices. The sad side of this tale is that on day one I was smoted with a ferocious stomach bug which left me a wilted flower for most of the fun. I had other treats I wanted to make for him, but considering I could barely get myself into bed or to the bathroom without collapsing, I knew a batch of cinnamon rolls was scratched off the plan. Nonetheless, I believe it was a great week for Zach and we may have started a new trend around campus.

On the Pitch Again

This year, Zach was asked to join a campus football team. He thought the season would start next semester, but unexpectedly received a text from the captain declaring otherwise and asking what number/name he wanted on his jersey. Upon receiving his jersey, Zach was ecstatic; it was his number (to match Kaden's), Chinese name and the number was on the shorts. Apparently, it is the trifecta of awesomeness.

It was a great day for a football game and, even though Zach lamented that he had slacked in training since he thought he had a while before an actual game, he played well. His team won 4-1 with three assists credited to Zach. He actually botched a goal, to which I taunted by yelling (Timbers Army style), "How wide do you need the goal?!"

Since the opposing team was not from GDOU, post-game involved a lot of photos and interviews with Zach. His team was awestruck with his instant notoriety, but found it really funny. Royan, the captain, declared that Zach was the lucky charm. Apparently, last year's match resulted in a 6-0 loss for the pseudo-Arsenal team. Therefore, the season is off to a great start.

Zach's Greatest Find

 

I did not expect "I FOUND A STARFRUIT TREE!" to be what Zach yelled when he came bounding into the hutong. His over-enthusiastic entrance into the house was unsettling, but when he yelled with glee about his find and rambled on about how he had no idea that a starfruit grew on such a tree and how could we have not known there were trees everywhere on campus, I thought he had gone bonkers. Ten minutes later, bucket in hand, we were pilfering the yummy goodies and Zach was pleased with his greatest discovery.

What Are You Wearing?

A daily conversation heard in our house consists of the following:

Kaden: "Uncle Zach, what jersey are you wearing?"
Zach: "I am not sure."
Kaden: "I think you should wear (insert the jersey he is wearing or wants to wear that day.)"

This conversation has been reversed as well. Needless to say, 'twinkies' have frequently been spotted around the abode.

Celebrating Zach

Friends from near and far gathered on our front lawn to celebrate Zach turning twenty nine again. Complete with grilled hamburgers and traditional cookout sides, it was a spectacular culinary event (for many of the attendees had never tasted an actual hamburger.) It was fun to watch people interact for it was an eclectic mixture of those who are a part of our life in Zhanjiang.

Thanks to April's arrival in China, Zach was able to have a funfetti birthday cake. Thanks to a dear friend, Alice, Zach was also able to have a traditional Chinese birthday cake.

Though we feared for rain most of the day, the weather cooperated and we even got to enjoy the spectacular effects of a supermoon.

I am thankful for my husband and I loved hosting a party to celebrate the wonderful man that he is for me and so many others.

Outside

It was a day that just beckoned to be enjoyed--warm temperatures, radiant sunshine and blue skies. After a morning jaunt into town for morning tea with a friend, we practically ran inside upon returning to campus to grab necessities and ran out again to take up post in front of our apartment--Zach in his hammock and I on my beach towel, basking in the sun.

On the Edge

They came to sit and dangle their feet off the edge of the world and after a while they forgot everything but the good and true things they would do someday. --Story People

Watching Bees

"If you get simple beauty and naught else, You get about the best thing God invents." --Robert Browning

Stardom

Zach's brush with movie stardom in China was so memorable that he could not pass up the opportunity to be an extra in the show, Portlandia, when it was filming at Multnomah. Due to a non-disclosure agreement, details are unavailable, but he did say, "I will definitely be in the show."

Fourth Anniversary of Twenty-Nine

Today we celebrated Zach's fourth anniversary of turning twenty nine. It is rare to be in the motherland, much less in the exact city of his birth, so birthday shenanigans this year were rather extravagant compared to the past. A good chunk of the family turned up for the pool party/BBQ/cheesecake fiasco.

Unlike me, Zach is nonplussed in regards to his birthday. It is a day. He is happy to go out to eat, nothing more. However, he was extremely excited by the end of these festivities as his Timbers collection grew exponentially (as did his UK.)

2012 Handsome Contest Results

Yes, it was a handsome contest, but really it was a case of who was the most proficient at bribery. Shaun promised good grades; Zach gave cookies. Zach won.

Over the past week they have played their respective roles well. Zach is the exuberant winner, while Shaun has been rather despondent and sullen around the students. Of course, the students have bought the act and are plying Shaun with gifts and words of kindness in his time of defeat.

Last night, the winner fulfilled his promise of a "romantic" dinner for Sharpay (the student who instigated the entire contest.) It was more of a comedic than romantic evening, especially since the "poor and despondent" loser, Shaun, was in attendance as well.

2012 Handsome Contest

It began with a simple statement last week from one of our students, Sharpay, from class two: "You are more handsome than Zach because you don't have a beard."

Of course, Shaun was not going to let this comment lie dormant. He had something to brag about (though all foreign teachers are aware that the girls practically swoon over themselves anytime his name is mentioned.) Plus, even if Shaun had wanted it to pass without much notice, her fellow classmates were practically falling over themselves to be the first to tell Zach in class the next day, which began another round of jesting.

On a normal day, Zach and Shaun are a mini Revolutionary War--British vs. American. Constant jabs against the other's mother country is sprinkled throughout every conversation. However, the handsome vs. not handsome challenge has rallied them to forsake their heritage squabble and focus solely on who is the most handsome. Deep in cahoots, Zach and Shaun have instigated the 2012 Handsome Contest.

Powerpoints have been created. Speeches are being drafted. Campaigning has begun in earnest. Zach even shaved his beard to level the playing field (which caused such a hoopla today that my students were falling over themselves to be the first to tell me about his new look!)

Shaun: Handsome

Zach: More handsome

The votes will be tallied next week and the winner will go to dinner with Sharpay. Yet, between now and then, who knows what else will be included in this contest.  

Any Reason to Party

Initially, it was suppose to be dinner with a few of Zach's post-graduate students from last semester. It seems their mantra of life is similar to ours--use any excuse possible to party and eat lots of food. The few became the entire class and it was a boisterous evening.