You ask the cruise director for a fishing pole.
The whole family boards the ship with truck inner tubes over their shoulder cuz they heard there’s a pool on board.
The charcoal grills are smokin’ in the parking lot as people tail-gate before boarding the ship.
Your wife wins the "Hairy Legs" contest!
You save the shrimp for bait.
You belch after your meal, because you want them to know you appreciate the vittles.
You take out your pocket knife at dinner to cut up your steak.
You ask the waiter on Lido deck for an extra cup to spit your tobacco in.
Your family reunion has multiple cabins booked.....and every cabin has a Jim-Billy-Joe-Bob in it.
The family sits down for dinner and promptly tuck their napkins into their shirts or tie them around their necks.
You don't recognize anything on the menu so you ask your waiter for either squirrel or possum.
You go to the muster(d) drill looking for hotdogs.
Your good lugage is a styrofoam cooler with duck tape on it.
You steal the toilet paper out of the bathroom before you debark.
Nobody had to give you the "duct tape" tip.... you already had it packed.
Security tells you you cannot bring either your pole, tackle box, or bass boat on board. (or wire pliers!!!)
You think free range chicken means you get an oven with your chicken.
You think midnight buffet is Jimmy Buffet's daughter.
You only put your teeth in for formal night.
The bartender asks if you have an ID, you say "bout what?"
You clean your fingernails with that little fork all the way on the left of the plate.
You complain at the desk that someone keeps breaking into your room and making up your bed.
The waiter pulls your wife’s chair out so she can sit down at the dinner table you think he’s trying to pull the chair out from under her so you punch him.
You scream the first time you flush the cabin’s toilet thinking something has grabbed hold of your butt.
At the Captain’s reception you ask him if he knows The Skipper.
You're disappointed the dance club doesn't have a mechanical bull.
While on an excursion, you complain that the place is "crawlin' with foreigners!"
If taking your wife on cruise means circling the Dairy Queen.
The cruise ship looses both of your custom "Hefty Bag" suitcases and you have to go the whole cruise with only one NASCAR hat.
You get into an arguement with the purser because they won't take your Sams Club card as a deposit on your Sail-n-Sign account.
You make it a point to show your wife how poor the people in foriegn countries are because none of them have any cars sitting on blocks in their yards.
You have to have two different dining times on formal night because the "Family Suit" fits more than one person. (And after the cruise you have to return it to the Funeral home)
You try to get the gold ship on a stick appraised.
The full moon seen on deck is from you bending over to pick up another beer out of your cooler.
You go to the funnel deck hoping to find all you can eat funnel cakes.
You have to paint Crescents on the Indoor Plumbing doors so your kin can find them.
Your waiter asks for your order (in his/her accent) and you say "Yew aint from 'round here, are ya?"
You get kicked out of the pool for trying to light the bubbles with your bic.
You see absolutely nothing wrong with grabbing your steward by the head and giving him "noogies" when you run into him in the hall.
You ask the camp carnival counslers to play the tapes you brought to keep the youngins quiet. (Green acres and dukes of hazzard episodes.)
You go to the jogging track and complain that the turns are not banked.
You ask the captain if he could fly the checkered flag just a little.
You bring duct tape AND Bondo, jes in case the ship hits an iceburg.
You decorate your hat all over with the drink umbrellas then strut around proudly like yer the first redneck who ever thunk of it.
You know you’re on a redneck cruise when lobster night is replaced with beanie-wienies.
.JPG)
